Warning! Distressing subject. Loss

[Athey]

Mum always stood by us, and now she’s gone, I am the head of the family now, and I have to fight to try and keep us together as they are still my brothers. I’d be letting her down if I didn’t even though what’s happened is wrong.
Better to try and fail than not try at all.
I will take the next few days pondering on what and how to do things, and hopefully it will help going back to work tomorrow.

 

[flying haggis]

Athey. sorry about your loss. But as others have said get legal advice. I know the solicitors will take their fees but one way to look at it is that at least your siblings will then also get less.

 

[DSM10000]

Check your home insurance policy or bank account, they often come with some legal advice built in.

 

[clk320x]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

Family are supposed to stick together at times like these and I can completely empathise with your feelings.

Please get some legal advice - I know you are not interested in the money but I fear that your siblings are taking advantage of your good nature.

 

[alabbasi]

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. Unfortunately this happens all the time and should serve as an important reminder for everyone to put their affairs in order and make sure that their parents do the same. Nobody likes to think of such things. For many people, family is the only legacy most people leave behind, which can be ruined by these circumstances.

I hope that you gather the strength in these tough times to not let them get away with this.

 

[ianw19]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My father passed away recently (funeral tomorrow [emoji29]) but so far my siblings have behaved themselves. We've all rallied around my stepmum. I know it's too late but a WhatsApp group has ensured we've all been keo up-to-date.

Sent from my LG-H870 using Tapatalk

 

[Bellow]

Mum always stood by us, and now she’s gone, I am the head of the family now, and I have to fight to try and keep us together as they are still my brothers. I’d be letting her down if I didn’t even though what’s happened is wrong.
Better to try and fail than not try at all.
I will take the next few days pondering on what and how to do things, and hopefully it will help going back to work tomorrow.

Your brothers made that a near impossibility when they reneged on the 'share everything' promise. That doesn't relieve you of your promise to your mum - it makes it impossible to uphold. Their decision, you are merely reacting to what has been placed in front of you and in no way does it represent a failure to honour your commitments to your mother.

Can I ask though, why did your mum feel the need to ask for those assurances? Did she know something you didn't/don't?

 

[theworkerb]

My mum died a couple of weeks ago after a fall at home. She was chirpy after an op to fix her leg, but deteriorated that night. She had other things wrong with her and was told by the registrar there was nothing more they could do. She died peacefully surrounded by me and my brothers. Before she died she made us all promise 2 things. One, we shared everything equally and two, we stuck together as brothers. We got together as we always do when there is trouble and gave her the most beautiful send off with all the family present. To say I’m devastated is an understatement , but then to find out my mums accounts and all her cash and valuables gone and my brothers have killed their landline and mobile numbers has left me reeling with shock. If greed is what they want, keep the money, but I’m hurt that they promised her dying wishes only to betray her.
Why?????

Really sorry for your loss

 

[theworkerb]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My father passed away recently (funeral tomorrow [emoji29]) but so far my siblings have behaved themselves. We've all rallied around my stepmum. I know it's too late but a WhatsApp group has ensured we've all been keo up-to-date.

Sent from my LG-H870 using Tapatalk

Sorry for your loss fella

 

[Athey]

Again, thank you all for your kind replies.
Bellow, when my nana died there was trouble in the family and I guess mum didn’t want any of us squabbling or fighting, and she always treat us the same. We were all equal in her eyes.

 

[Athey]

Ian w19, I’m sorry to hear of your loss as well. Not a good time for us

 

[Bellow]

Again, thank you all for your kind replies.
Bellow, when my nana died there was trouble in the family and I guess mum didn’t want any of us squabbling or fighting, and she always treat us the same. We were all equal in her eyes.

Am I going too far in suggesting she saw the potential for what has occurred?
The 'equality' and 'treat us the same' could have been written about my mother also. Alas, not all siblings are prepared to accept that. Some will assume themselves to be 'more', to be 'better', to be deserving of of more.

I saw your post re 'taking a few days' - a good idea. A calmer perspective will help you see more clearly. And, like the others here who have expressed their condolences, I too am sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard to find the words for a loss so monumental as a parent leaving us.

 

[Petrol Pete]

OP, I see you are concerned that the money/assets would be swallowed up by legal fees etc, you know what ? If I were in you position I would make sure that happened, every penny that goes to a solicitor does not end up in your brothers pockets, I would run a very long legal campaign until what was left was not worth having. At some point during the proceedings the brothers would hopefully see their stolen pot of loot getting smaller and smaller and call a truce.

 

[grober]

Intestacy laws - intestate succession in England and Wales
AND
Intestacy - who inherits if someone dies without a will?

 

[Flyinspanner]

@Athey, I’m really sorry for the loss of your mother, sincere condolences.
I think you are right to take a few days to get over the initial shock and grief, don’t try to do everything at once.

I hope you get to contact your brothers, and can explain the process that needs to happen, and that they see sense and you can move forward together. Good luck. And remember to be kind to yourself too - take it all in little steps.

 

[Smart320]

Great suggestion from Flyinspanner

 

[Athey]

No bellow, no offence taken. If mum did know something she would have told me, and I would have done something about it straight away.
Petrol Pete, mum worked hard and saved for years, hence me not wanting it to go to solicitors.

 

[Athey]

I’ve failed! Not been on for a while, as had all this to deal with, and now to add insult, I’ve been made redundant. Talk about things coming in threes.
It’s been a very hard nearly 4 months now and it’s taken a huge toll on both my physical and mental health. Still in a very dark place and finding it hard to just get through the day.
Now the race begins to find work asap, I am 8 weeks ahead on my rent and just paid the water bill for the year.
My biggest worry is the car, as I don’t want to lose it. I will speak to finance company to get a 3 month break in my payments and all being well I should be working by then. If I get work till Xmas and throw everything at it I can pay it off by then. Just spent nearly a k on it buying new back tyres, rear suspension springs, new subframe bushes and a new brake servo, and I can’t afford to lose 9k if I hand it back, and as my mum helped me get the Lexus which I px’d towards it, it holds a lot of sentimental value.
Ive lost my mum and my brothers, and my job, think that’s enough to lose, and the plan is to restore the car in memory of mum.
For those who have lost family recently, my heart goes out to you and I do know some of the emotions you are feeling.
Anyway, thought I’d let you know I’m still around but won’t be active on here much for a while.
Gary

 

[Londonscottish]

I’ve failed! Not been on for a while, as had all this to deal with, and now to add insult, I’ve been made redundant. Talk about things coming in threes.
It’s been a very hard nearly 4 months now and it’s taken a huge toll on both my physical and mental health. Still in a very dark place and finding it hard to just get through the day.
Now the race begins to find work asap, I am 8 weeks ahead on my rent and just paid the water bill for the year.
My biggest worry is the car, as I don’t want to lose it. I will speak to finance company to get a 3 month break in my payments and all being well I should be working by then. If I get work till Xmas and throw everything at it I can pay it off by then. Just spent nearly a k on it buying new back tyres, rear suspension springs, new subframe bushes and a new brake servo, and I can’t afford to lose 9k if I hand it back, and as my mum helped me get the Lexus which I px’d towards it, it holds a lot of sentimental value.
Ive lost my mum and my brothers, and my job, think that’s enough to lose, and the plan is to restore the car in memory of mum.
For those who have lost family recently, my heart goes out to you and I do know some of the emotions you are feeling.
Anyway, thought I’d let you know I’m still around but won’t be active on here much for a while.
Gary

Mate that sounds tough. All the best.

 

[Gollom]

So sorry to hear about the sh1t life is dealing out to you at the moment