Why is it good to be a man.

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BlackC55

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Although I am not sexist in ANY way I did find these funny.

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to masturbate.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy **** every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off with you.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "**** it!"
88. If an other bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not inthe mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. You can't get pregnant.
 
And they're all good :crazy: :crazy: :D Some of them - yes I can get - but do you really want to be dirty old men?
 
Theres 2 advantages I can think of in defence of being a woman.

1. They dont have to shave their facial hair everyday of every other day.

2. They dont suffer from receding hairlines eventually leading to being a slaphead.
 


Well that's just as well coz you're both already well on the way :D :D

Theres 2 advantages I can think of in defence of being a woman.

1. They dont have to shave their facial hair everyday of every other day.

2. They dont suffer from receding hairlines eventually leading to being a slaphead.

Some do :crazy: :crazy: :D ( and no - not me - not the last time I looked anyway :D )
 
reasons to be a woman

Reasons It's Good to be a Woman

  1. We got off the Titanic first.
  2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
  3. Taxis stop for us.
  4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
  5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
  6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
  7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
  8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
  9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
  10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
  11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
  12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
  13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
  14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
  15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
:D :D
 
and 40 more

40 Funny Reasons Why It's Wonderful To Be A Woman

1. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.

2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll think she's gay.

3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

4. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.

5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected.

6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.

7. Women live longer than men.

8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.

9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.

10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).

11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman's problems.

12. Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.

13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

14. Women know the truth about whether size matters...

15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.

16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.

17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.

18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.

21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.

22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.

23. Women don't have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.

24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she's cute.

25. Women can admit to others when they've made a mistake

26. If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's a wimp.

27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.

28. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.

29. Women can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a short woman's complex.

30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.

31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.

32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.

33. A woman's friend won't try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she's drunk.

34. A woman won't drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.

35. Women aren't covered with hair like shag carpeting.

36. Women don't feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.

37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.

38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.

39. Women don't think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.

40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week
 
10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).

Whats wrong with that!
 
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

One of my faverourites
 
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.

Manbags??
 
Well, the list for men still outweighs the women's list by some margin...so it's official :bannana: It's better to be a man.
 
We don't need lists to prove to ourselves we are better! We just know! :D
 
Yeah ...

Better at washing , ironing , cooking and cleaning ;)
 
Theres 2 advantages I can think of in defence of being a woman.

1. They dont have to shave their facial hair everyday of every other day.

2. They dont suffer from receding hairlines eventually leading to being a slaphead.

As a dirty old man (don't see anything wrong with that, I was a dirty young man after all:D ) and a beardy, I have to disagree with you. I don't have to shave off my facial hair and I don't suffer from a receding hairline (it's in the jeans.....er....genes you know :crazy: ) and have absolutely no wish to become a slaphead. I'd probably kill myself as all slapheads should do :bannana: . Mind you silver public hair is a bit of a shock................:eek: And I know some women who should shave every day....................


Nothing in this post is meant to be derogatory to slapheads and no slapheads have been injured in the making of this post. Suggestions that slapheads should kill themselves, though well meant, is not intended to invoke mass suicide amongst the baldies, understandable as it may be, the lack of visible hair must be devastating and lead to deep psychological problems and a wish to put a hose from the exhaust pipe in through the driver's window and go to sleep gently. Don't do it folks!! Because you have no hair doesn't mean you're worthless or a Kojak lookalike. Your hair hasn't gone, it's simply migrated to your ears and nose :D :D

Blame the whisky if you like - I'm off to get my coat and comb my hair................thinning but still there ;)
 

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