Knob in a W205 "Smoked" by Percy Pig :)

[poormansporsche]

My life is complete, I've been waiting 2 and 3/4 years to use that pun

So patiently waiting at a set of lights in the "Percy" Van and a bell end in a chavvy 205 decides to go round the 10 cars behind me in the clearly marked turn right lane. But he didn't know of the unladen Percy's surprising kickdown turn of speed away from lights. Percy toodled off as the w205 nearly crashed into the lights.

I even pressed my big red button in advance to give the companies dash cam big brother viewer a laugh !!

So if the owner is on here of the silver w205 with dodgy tints in Bexleyheath today, diddums, boo hoo

The victorious Percy








Let the pork based puns begin ...........

 

[SpikyMikey]

My life is complete, I've been waiting 2 and 3/4 years to use that pun

So patiently waiting at a set of lights in the "Percy" Van and a bell end in a chavvy 205 decides to go round the 10 cars behind me in the clearly marked turn right lane. But he didn't know of the unladen Percy's surprising kickdown turn of speed away from lights. Percy toodled off as the w205 nearly crashed into the lights.

I even pressed my big red button in advance to give the companies dash cam big brother viewer a laugh !!

So if the owner is on here of the silver w205 with dodgy tints in Bexleyheath today, diddums, boo hoo

The victorious Percy

View attachment 159177






Let the pork based puns begin ...........

You telling porkies again Brett?

 

[SpikyMikey]

You telling porkies again Brett?

Are you going to post the dash cam footage on Insta Ham?

 

[poormansporsche]

You telling porkies again Brett?

That was a somewhat ham fisted attempt at a pun

 

[SpikyMikey]

That was a somewhat ham fisted attempt at a pun

I get boar-ed really easily....

 

[poormansporsche]

Are you going to post the dash cam footage on Insta Ham?

Unfortunately I don't get access to the footage, unless I get a disciplinary

 

[Gollom]

My life is complete, I've been waiting 2 and 3/4 years to use that pun


Let the pork based puns begin ...........

Sow, what have you done

 

[Meldrew2]

It's not (percy) pig and it's not clever...

 

[zipdip]

Looking at your wagon I can see you were one of the berry best drivers

 

[poormansporsche]

Looking at your wagon I can see you were one of the berry best drivers

Well today we had a driver total a barrier and get said barrier wedged between the wheel arch, wheel and axle, completely immobilising the van, even before leaving the depot, oopsy

 

[SpikyMikey]

Well today we had a driver total a barrier and get said barrier wedged between the wheel arch, wheel and axle, completely immobilising the van, even before leaving the depot, oopsy

I had a mate who once jammed a LWB Sprinter in a 6'6" restriction around the back of Mitcham Common. He was never allowed to forget it

 

[poormansporsche]

I had a mate who once jammed a LWB Sprinter in a 6'6" restriction around the back of Mitcham Common. He was never allowed to forget it

Pussy. I don't even slow down for 6 ft 6 ers in the works Sprinters

(Although in my own van .......)

 

[SpikyMikey]

Pussy. I don't even slow down for 6 ft 6 ers in the works Sprinters

(Although in my own van .......)

To be fair, he'd forgotten that the Sprinter in question had a glazing 'frail' attached to one side

 

[NOMONEYBUTAMERC]

To be fair, he'd forgotten that the Sprinter in question had a glazing 'frail' attached to one side

In 1970 , when I was 18 years old , W.D.&H.O.Wills entrusted me with the use of a fork/clamp truck . This heavy piece of kit was used to clamp a stack of three 500 kilo cardboard boxes of waste tobacco, which I had to transport from the warehouse to the Customs and Excise bonded area, where a Customs watcher would take random samples of tobacco to check the content. At this point the factory paid over £1,000,000 a Day! In tax , so there was a lot to claim back from “waste” tobacco, or offal. One afternoon I duly clamped three boxes of tobacco, raised the mast and proceeded to drive towards the Customs “ bonded” area. After a couple of yards the boxes started to slip between the clamps . I put more pressure on the boxes via the hydraulic clamps, and just raised the mast a bit higher. Without further ado I set off through the doorway to the bonded warehouse . The double doors had to be secured at night, or whenever the Customs and excise guys were off site. Well , I can testify that a Lansing Bagnall forklift truck travelling at 15 mph , with the mast raised can not only take out a complete door frame, but also a couple of rows of bricks above it !

As my actions resulted in a Customs “watcher” having to be paid to remain on the premises overnight, until repairs were carried out I was in a little bit of bother with the factory manager. I couldn’t escape the embarrassment of my “accident “ when I got home, the service manager for Lansing Bagnall , who had to check the condition of the fork truck was my dad!

 

[SpikyMikey]

In 1970 , when I was 18 years old , W.D.&H.O.Wills entrusted me with the use of a fork/clamp truck . This heavy piece of kit was used to clamp a stack of three 500 kilo cardboard boxes of waste tobacco, which I had to transport from the warehouse to the Customs and Excise bonded area, where a Customs watcher would take random samples of tobacco to check the content. At this point the factory paid over £1,000,000 a Day! In tax , so there was a lot to claim back from “waste” tobacco, or offal. One afternoon I duly clamped three boxes of tobacco, raised the mast and proceeded to drive towards the Customs “ bonded” area. After a couple of yards the boxes started to slip between the clamps . I put more pressure on the boxes via the hydraulic clamps, and just raised the mast a bit higher. Without further ado I set off through the doorway to the bonded warehouse . The double doors had to be secured at night, or whenever the Customs and excise guys were off site. Well , I can testify that a Lansing Bagnall forklift truck travelling at 15 mph , with the mast raised can not only take out a complete door frame, but also a couple of rows of bricks above it !

As my actions resulted in a Customs “watcher” having to be paid to remain on the premises overnight, until repairs were carried out I was in a little bit of bother with the factory manager. I couldn’t escape the embarrassment of my “accident “ when I got home, the service manager for Lansing Bagnall , who had to check the condition of the fork truck was my dad!

I think the best fork truck related incident I ever witnessed was at the cargo sheds at Gatwick. Waiting for a pick up, I watched one of the handlers racing around at reckless speed offloading a truck. 2 pallets safely removed, he zoomed up to the next, misjudged the distance slightly and speared the shrink wrapped pallet of boxes with his forks. Reversing the truck resulted in a strange noise, which could only be described as a metallic waterfall and an exclamation of dismay (!) from the driver, as about 6 gazillion ball bearings dropped from the pallet onto the concrete apron.

 

[oldguy57]

I had a mate who once jammed a LWB Sprinter in a 6'6" restriction around the back of Mitcham Common. He was never allowed to forget it

On a back road I sometimes use it's fairly common to see wagons jammed under a bridge clearly marked with a 10'6" height restriction. One way you get plenty of warning the other way it comes on you round a blind bend. If wagons see it in time there is no where to turn round easily so much reversing round 90 degree bends required. I guess sat navs are to blame showing this route as the quickest way to the motorway.

 

[st13phil]

Well , I can testify that a Lansing Bagnall forklift truck travelling at 15 mph , with the mast raised can not only take out a complete door frame, but also a couple of rows of bricks above it !

That gave me a laugh

Similar happened in a place I worked in the early 1980's.

One of the maintenance fitters, Bob, who was known as “Bionic Bob” for his ability to survive the carnage he created unscathed, managed to drive a forklift with the mast raised through the doorway twixt the production area and warehouse taking out the doors, the door frame, the beam above it and some brickwork above that. The icing on the cake was that some of the debris that came crashing down narrowly missed the MD who was doing his morning walk about in the warehouse…

 

[Meldrew2]

I remember (years ago) watching a Renault Master getting jammed under the upper deck on the Isle of Wight car ferry - ripping the rear doors apart. I didn't have enough time to wait to see the eventual outcome - they were letting air out of the tyres as I left...

 

[flying haggis]

One of our drivers who shouldn't have used the forklift, but did, managed to put one of the forks through the pair of tyres on the nearside rear of his own truck. Oh how we other drivers laughed.....but the transport manager didn't for some reason.....
Luckily the other fork just missed the fuel tank.

 

[NOMONEYBUTAMERC]

Some time after the incident with the Customs doorway , I was loading a 40ft shipping container with the very same 500kg x 3 boxes of tobacco waste . Now, the floor of these containers has steel ribs, with wooden slats . If you drive a forklift , complete with 1500 kilos load rapidly along the length of the container , and brake sharply , you will hear the wooden slats groan. If the driver of the container p155es you off , you may find that on an older container , with a tatty floor , a wheel of the forklift can go right through the floor . The forklift operator then retreats to the teabay for a long break whilst the engineering department recover the forklift . Not long after that happened I decided it was time to leave the tobacco industry . Spent most of the next fifty years selling bearings and transmission products , which was more fun !