Breakdown of expensive home security system.....

[SpikyMikey]

Your grass needs cutting

Or alternatively I will forward your concerns on to the wife and chastise her appropriately for not doing her job in a timely manner

Job for you, @SmartAmg

 

[SmartAmg]

Job for you, @SmartAmg

No problem.

 

[poormansporsche]

@DSM10000

I forwarded your concerns about the state of the lawn on to the worlds angriest woman. Fortunately the skillet shaped dent in the side of my head didn't stop me from doing a 12 hour shift today. Came home to a nicely mown lawn (I would have did a neater job but probably best not to mention it)

Unfortunately my first job upon arriving home was to pull a wodge of freshly laundered poo bags from the washing machine filter.

So the lazy gits can hear a one dB poo bag rustling whilst comatose from 100 feet and be at my side leads at the ready in 3 seconds flat, fckers .......

 

[SpikyMikey]

@DSM10000

I forwarded your concerns about the state of the lawn on to the worlds angriest woman. Fortunately the skillet shaped dent in the side of my head didn't stop me from doing a 12 hour shift today. Came home to a nicely mown lawn (I would have did a neater job but probably best not to mention it)

Unfortunately my first job upon arriving home was to pull a wodge of freshly laundered poo bags from the washing machine filter.

So the lazy gits can hear a one dB poo bag rustling whilst comatose from 100 feet and be at my side leads at the ready in 3 seconds flat, fckers .......

View attachment 157806

 

[DSM10000]

@DSM10000

I forwarded your concerns about the state of the lawn on to the worlds angriest woman. Fortunately the skillet shaped dent in the side of my head didn't stop me from doing a 12 hour shift today. Came home to a nicely mown lawn (I would have did a neater job but probably best not to mention it)

Unfortunately my first job upon arriving home was to pull a wodge of freshly laundered poo bags from the washing machine filter.

So the lazy gits can hear a one dB poo bag rustling whilst comatose from 100 feet and be at my side leads at the ready in 3 seconds flat, fckers .......

View attachment 157806

Do you have your blood group tattooed on your body somewhere?

 

[poormansporsche]

Do you have your blood group tattooed on your body somewhere?

So Mrs Angry is going in for a "womens procedure" tomorrow. She said she's perfectly fine about driving herself and I need not attend.

BUT translated I think this means if you don't have a day off work you will quite literally wake up with a severe case of death by bludgeoning and several dozen 12 inch deep puncture wounds.

 

[DSM10000]

So Mrs Angry is going in for a "womens procedure" tomorrow. She said she's perfectly fine about driving herself and I need not attend.

BUT translated I think this means if you don't have a day off work you will quite literally wake up with a severe case of death by bludgeoning and several dozen 12 inch deep puncture wounds.

Tell her that you would rather drive her there and pick her up after the procedure so she doesn't need to worry about parking or any potential side effects afterwards as the caring husband you clearly are

 

[poormansporsche]

Tell her that you would rather drive her there and pick her up after the procedure so she doesn't need to worry about parking or any potential side effects afterwards as the caring husband you clearly are

Well the text came through earlier, overtime available tomorrow, double rate, I ummed and arred for for about 5 minutes but decided that I preferred my balls still attached so ignored it

 

[DSM10000]

Well the text came through earlier, overtime available tomorrow, double rate, I ummed and arred for for about 5 minutes but decided that I preferred my balls still attached so ignored it

I am sure that the good lady would keep them safe for you for use on special occasions....

 

[poormansporsche]

I am sure that the good lady would keep them safe for you for use on special occasions....

I really haven't done myself any favours this week. After 35 years of being together with my wife, I met my ideal women who shared my 3 main phobias, of Gingers, Wotsits and nice and spicy Nik naks, she also had a cracking pair of jubblies. I made the mistake of telling Mrs Angry this fact in jest, boggo mistakeo !!!!!

But he ho live and learn .............

 

[DSM10000]

Or not live.......

 

[DITTRICH]

We have a cat and 10 dogs. The cat brings live birds in and releases them in the house ...

Lol! I once stayed at a friend's house over Xmas as my parents were overseas. On Xmas morning their cat brought a duck through the kitchen cat flap and it proceeded to fly about shitting over the entire kitchen and Xmas lunch preparations. The cat spent the next week in the garden.

 

[ALFAitalia]

Dogs sleeping on furniture!

Agreed.......most def not allowed in my house....not that I have dogs now (RIP )....but when we did they knew better....I don't want to smell of dog after sitting down to watch the telly thanks!!!. Even my three cats know that they cant go on the furniture without either a cushion being there of one of us to sit on. I didnt buy them all beds for the fun of it!!! In either case (dogs or cats) it only takes minimal training. Obviously your house/pets.....your rules.

 

[poormansporsche]

Agreed.......most def not allowed in my house....not that I have dogs now (RIP )....but when we did they knew better....I don't want to smell of dog after sitting down to watch the telly thanks!!!. Even my three cats know that they cant go on the furniture without either a cushion being there of one of us to sit on. I didnt buy them all beds for the fun of it!!! In either case (dogs or cats) it only takes minimal training. Obviously your house/pets.....your rules.

Ex Racing Greyhounds are on the whole small of brain and somewhat untrainable, there's only so much their brains can take after 3 odd years of constant circuit training. It's an excepted fact that Ex Racers will sleep wherever they want and there's sod all you can do about it. It's the first thing that's mentioned by the rehoming centres. If you don't like it don't get one (or get a whippet)

 

[zipdip]

I really haven't done myself any favours this week. After 35 years of being together with my wife, I met my ideal women who shared my 3 main phobias, of Gingers, Wotsits and nice and spicy Nik naks, she also had a cracking pair of jubblies. I made the mistake of telling Mrs Angry this fact in jest, boggo mistakeo !!!!!

But he ho live and learn .............

Not often we geta a member with a death wish

 

[SpikyMikey]

I really haven't done myself any favours this week. After 35 years of being together with my wife, I met my ideal women who shared my 3 main phobias, of Gingers, Wotsits and nice and spicy Nik naks, she also had a cracking pair of jubblies. I made the mistake of telling Mrs Angry this fact in jest, boggo mistakeo !!!!!

But he ho live and learn .............

Do you have your blood group tattooed on your body somewhere?

At this rate, it going to need to be his full Last Will and Testament

 

[poormansporsche]

Not often we geta a member with a death wish

At this rate, it going to need to be his full Last Will and Testament

Nah, It's all good, er indoors accepts my neurosis's even if she doesn't understand them (by god she has enough of her own).

Now If I had said I delivered to a braless drawerless hot milf, whom I'd just got about the bath and would love to see a quick flash under that robe (it happens ) then it would be a cleaver / genitalia incident !

 

[Gollom]

Nah, It's all good, er indoors accepts my neurosis's even if she doesn't understand them (by god she has enough of her own).

Now If I had said I delivered to a braless drawerless hot milf, whom I'd just got about the bath and would love to see a quick flash under that robe (it happens ) then it would be a cleaver / genitalia incident !

Need a part time job like yours!

 

[poormansporsche]

@Gollom
Unfortunately on 15000 drops the ratio for stinky misery guts far out ways the hot milfs

 

[SpikyMikey]

@Gollom
Unfortunately on 15000 drops the ratio for stinky misery guts far out ways the hot milfs

Just as well probably