Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, friends and family.
For everyone that doesn't know me - I'm Michele or Papu depending on how long you've known me...
I would like to start by asking y'all to raise your glasses in honor of two of the most beautiful, and most wonderful and loving people that I have had the pleasure of having in my life.
So here is to their future, our incredible fortune, and everyone having a blast at this incredible event. - Nasdarovia! (the bridge was/is polish)
Now, before I start, I need a disclaimer. I have known Shak for 25 years or so; or in more practical terms, most of my life. This means that he has had as much of a part in developing my sense of humor as I have had in his - so if you don't understand, or are offended, by any of my jokes, please blame Shak.
When Shak asked me to be the best man, I must admit, I had some concerns. If I am the best man, then why is Basha marrying him?
But I jest, Shak is truly the best man today.
Secondly, I didn't really know what to say. There is a story involving tabasco and crisps which I have been threatening to tell at his wedding for years - but beyond that, I really drew a blank. That said, I couldn't give up the opportunity to preside over the only 5 minutes of the wedding which haven't been meticulously planned.
So, in lieu of coming up with something inspirational and heartfelt, I resorted to google.
First on the list, I read that, I'm supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell him about about his many good points.
Well I'm sorry to say, I can't sing and I won't lie.
Next, google advised me that the speech should be short - suggestions were that the speech shouldn't take longer than it takes the groom to make love.
Well, I've already gone over that constraint...
I also read that I had a once in a lifetime opportunity, even a duty, to reveal Shak's past misdemeanors.
Unfortunately, I have played a part in most of these events, and I really don't want to tarnish my impeccable reputation.
Now, I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for Shak, which will teach him maturity, self restraint and control, and would develop in him a sense of responsibility, fair play and a whole host of other things he wouldn't need had he stayed married to the play station (single).
So I would just like to say to Shak that you're a lucky man for marrying Basha, who is beautiful, smart, warm, funny, loving and caring. She deserves a good husband, so thank god you married her before she found one!
Finally, I need to make good on my threat. Tabasco and Crisps.
Once upon a time, in land far far away, Shak and I went to school together. Shak had this most odd habit at lunch. He would open a packet of crisps, empty an entire bottle of tabasco into the bag, and then proceed to eat the now soggy crisps. Next, he would drink the salty tabasco out of the bag. I have brought a few of these (here Shak, Basha).
At this point, let me apologize for making you listen to this speech, feel free to try the crisps .
Now - can we all raise our glasses again in toast to love, to laughter, and to a happy ever after.
.
(but you have my congratulations and condolences)
