Silly season...

[MOCAŠ]

Bit late in the year, admittedly, but here are a few of the more bizarre headlines I've spotted in the press this week:

Undercover police dwarfs stole my DNA at bus stop

A London police force is being sued over claims that it used two undercover dwarfs to carry out an anti-terror search.

A Russian doctor is claiming £55,000 saying City of London Police officers also sexually assaulted him and took his DNA to carry out "covert biological experiments". Dr Alexander Sobko, of South Kensington, claims the "smiling" dwarfs approached him at a bus stop and searched him under the Terrorism Act.

Consultant who filmed sex session with girlfriend cleared of voyeurism

A "time and motion consultant" who filmed himself having sex with his girlfriend was cleared of voyeurism after a jury accepted he was attempting to study his own technique.

A jury decided Graham Gibbons did not get a sexual thrill from recording himself with a lover. Gibbons set up his mobile phone at the bedside to film himself making love to his brunette girlfriend without her knowing. Video expert Gibbons then uploaded the homemade sex tape onto his laptop to give his professional judgement on his bedroom athletics.

Gibbons told police: "After studying the tape I gave her 20 minutes of sexual satisfaction, five minutes of intercourse and another nine minutes of sexual satisfaction."

Recorder of Cardiff Nicholas Cooke QC said: "He had experience in making videos to analyse the way work was being done. He described the video as time and motion analysis or academic research. He said he wanted to see what was going on during love-making. Mr Gibbons told that their sex life was boring and he was the one doing all the work."

One person who saw the video said later: "It was far from sexy and there was actuallly very little action in it. I think the jury could see there was very little sexual gratification in it for anyone."

Policeman gets drunk and spends night at St Paul's protest camp

A police firearms officer faces being disciplined over claims he slept in a protester's tent at St Paul's Cathedral after a drinking spree.

The 35-year-old was said to be celebrating with colleagues after passing a firearms course. After being asked to leave the central London hotel, protesters were said to have taken pity on him when he turned up late with nowhere to stay. He is believed to have been recognised by colleagues on duty outside the cathedral as he stumbled from a tent the next morning.

The force's professional standards unit is looking at the allegations.

Woman cheats death in car crash thanks to chicken fillet bra pads

When Lisa Somerville cheated death in a car accident, it was the first time she’d ever been thankful for her ‘chicken fillet’ bra pads – they saved her life.

Ms Somerville, 28, was driving home in a rainstorm when she lost control and careered head-on into another car. She was cut free by firefighters and rushed to hospital with a punctured lung, four cracked ribs and a broken nose.

Doctors later told her the silicone pads she used to boost her then AAA bust had saved her life by acting like airbags.

 

[Harrythedog]

Was the Time & Motion bloke being sued by his girlfrien for making a video or for taking only 34 minutes, it's a but unclear!