Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[MikeInWimbledon]

Might as well be the owners doing it on the pavement.

It is the owners' letting their hounds do it on the pavement, and then afterwards not even bothering to clear it up.

But it's the poop in parks where children play that really winds me up.

 

[Swotty]

It is the owners' letting their hounds do it on the pavement, and then afterwards not even bothering to clear it up.

But it's the poop in parks where children play that really winds me up.

I agree.

That's why we have a cat.

 

[ToeKnee]

I agree.

That's why we have a cat.

It goes out with poo bags and cleans up after them??

 

[DSM10000]

A young man, fresh out of college wished to persue a career in wildlife conservation so he applied for and was successful in obtaining a position as a junior in a well respected Zoo.

On his first day he was shown around by the head keeper who thought it best if the young man became familiar and confident with the Zoo population.

For his first task the keeper asked the trainee to feed the three freshwater fish tanks.

All of the food was pre-prepared and just needed spreading over the surface of the tanks.

The young man did as instructed but shortly after the keeper ran to him saying "All of the fish are dead! What did you do?"

The young man shocked and upset explained what he had done as he had followed his instructions perfectly.

On investigation the keeper found that there had been a mixup and food for the saltwater fish had been mixed with that for the freshwater fish.

The keeper calmed the young man down and asked him to scoop the dead fish up and throw them into the Lion enclosure as they eat anything.

To regain his confidence the keeper asked the young man to feed the Chimpanzees and told him that all of the fruits and vegetables are sorted and ready to go.

The young man followed the instructions but an hour later the Chimpanzes were all taken ill and died!

Again the young man was distraught and the head keeper investigated and found that the staff had left out food that was rotton.

Again he asked the young man to dispose of the Chimps in the Lion enclosure.

To try to restore the young man's confidence and as it was a hot day he asked him to take a hose and gently spray the Bee hives to keep them cool and reassured him that he would tell him when to stop.

Some time passed as the keeper was distracted by other business.

He ran toward the young man yelling to him to turn the water off but it was to late and the Bees were no more.

He comforted the young man and told him that none of this was his fault and to dispose of the waterlogged Bees to the Lions.

The next day a new Lion arrived and was introduced to the existing pride.

He introduced himself to the others and made polite conversation. He asked how they were treated and was reassured that they were treated very well.

He asked about the food and was again reassured that they were well fed.

"As an example ", said the chief male Lion was "Yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and mushy Bees!"

 

[John N]

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

View attachment 152166

Deliverance?

 

[John N]

Deliverance?

From, OOPS Wrong Thread!

 

[flying haggis]

 

[markjay]

It goes out with poo bags and cleans up after them??

Naah that's just plain silly... they're cats! They just burry the poop and cover it after the dogs

 

[markjay]

Deliverance?

Some movie, that was...

 

[DSM10000]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong….

 

[Petrol Pete]

I agree.

That's why we have a cat.

Yes , they usually $hit all over the place , except where they live. That is the solution.

 

[del320]

 

[del320]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[HappytalkAgain]

Deliverance?

Deliver(p)oo

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

View attachment 152189

Faculty !

Worthy of "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue."

 

[DSM10000]

Faculty !

Worthy of "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue."

"Trampoline"

Cleaning agent for vagrants!

 

[SpikyMikey]

Some movie, that was...

Thanks!
That's Dueling Banjos lodged as the ear worm for the next couple of days!

 

[baxlin]

View attachment 152191

Don’t give them ideas!!