Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[baxlin]

Speed bumps are badly named I think - if anything, they slow you down. (Nicked from Viz I think!)

We have lots of concave speed humps in the roads around us, including one that appeared within a week of the council ‘repairing’ the road...

 

[DSM10000]

 

[flying haggis]

The police knocked on my door this morning.
“Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked.
“No, I said.”
“What about G.D. then?”
“No means nothing to me,” I said.
“How about A.J.?”
“Look,” I said, “am I suspected of something?”


“No sir.” They said, “These are just initial inquiries.”

 

[DSM10000]

The police knocked on my door this morning.
“Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked.
“No, I said.”
“What about G.D. then?”
“No means nothing to me,” I said.
“How about A.J.?”
“Look,” I said, “am I suspected of something?”


“No sir.” They said, “These are just initial inquiries.”

Hopefully not regarding a Capital offence!
I wouldn't like to consider the potential sentence!

 

[markjay]

Hopefully not regarding a Capital offence!
I wouldn't like to consider the potential sentence!

And he could still face further charges when the victim comes out of coma.

 

[Mactech]

Allegedly, ITV are considering a new programme starring Sooty as a bodyguard called Squeaky Minders....

 

[ioweddie]

Breaking News!

The UK Health Minister has announced that a new Indian Covid Variant ....Vindaflu.

The population will now be offered the Punjab.

Please take this variant very seriously.
My neighbour caught it, and has been in a Korma for a week.
Sadly he had only just buried his Naan, who had a dodgy Tikka.
Only five were allowed to attend the funeral, it led to a right Arji Bhaaji!

 

[Flyinspanner]

Anybody needing Petrol/Diesel - You better get here quick before they realise that the pump is not working properly. It's only 37p a litre!!!
I just filled my car up for £12 and got away with it.. It’s pump number 2 at the shell petrol station on the road by the … See more

 

[Flyinspanner]

The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy

 

[Meldrew2]

Anybody needing Petrol/Diesel - You better get here quick before they realise that the pump is not working properly. It's only 37p a litre!!!
I just filled my car up for £12 and got away with it.. It’s pump number 2 at the shell petrol station on the road by the … See more

By the traffic jam caused by the six mile queue?

 

[markjay]

Anybody needing Petrol/Diesel - You better get here quick before they realise that the pump is not working properly. It's only 37p a litre!!!
I just filled my car up for £12 and got away with it.. It’s pump number 2 at the shell petrol station on the road by the … See more

Is it here?

Seymour Island | Antarctic Peninsula, Antarctic Wildlife, Glaciers

Seymour Island, island in the Weddell Sea, lying off the coast of and near the northern tip of Graham Land (Antarctic Peninsula). Seymour Island is 13 miles (21 km) long and from 2 to 5 miles (3 to 8 km) wide. It lies east of James Ross Island and within the Antarctic territory claimed by

www.britannica.com

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[moonloops]

The person who packed my parachute badly has now been suspended after I complained. They need to decide to sack them or not over the coming month, I just hope they don't keep them hanging.

 

[DSM10000]

 

[Flyinspanner]

Mmmmmm