Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[fabes]

I'm guessing yes...

 

[SeagullFan]

I'm guessing yes...

for sure.

 

[BandyAndy]

 

[GrahamT]

View attachment 159817

If it was, I hope it was a Wetherspoons !

 

[Rayny]

And the completely wrong first word of that line. I was confused by the whole thing - is the illiteracy a comment on the rioters?

Don't you mean the 'ryeoaturce'

 

[NJSS]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[ALFAitalia]

Not really funny.....but it does not fill me full of confidence in the quality of the product if this gets through proof reading. Mind you I see the same mistake on here at least once a week!

 

[DSM10000]

 

[markjay]

View attachment 159858

Be sure that in America the store will get sued....

 

[Wolfie1]

Cat and dog having a conversation about which 1 of them the humans like best, dog says “humans like me best they have even named a tooth in their mouths after me, the canine”, the cat says “your not going to win this 1”

 

[DSM10000]

 

[TC350]

Be sure that in America the store will get sued....

I still remember from around 40 years ago an American family sued the manufacturers after the father was electrocuted when the fully extended aluminium ladders he was moving hit an overhead power line. There wasn’t a warning on the ladders to not carry them extended. There always is now!

 

[TC350]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

 

[baxlin]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

I was able to press ‘like’ because I know Mrs B will never read this thread.

 

[23 Romeo Tango]

If she does, you know what you’ll get