Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[NJSS]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[BandyAndy]

This was painted on my front wall I think it’s a Banksey

 

[NJSS]

 

[DSM10000]

German chap called Heinz?

 

[ToeKnee]

View attachment 160050German chap called Heinz?

I tried counting them but gave up at 57.......

 

[DSM10000]

I tried counting them but gave up at 57.......

What a sauce!

 

[ToeKnee]

What a sauce!

Bit slow, you really should ketchup........

 

[flying haggis]

A man's body has been found in the city centre .

Apparently he was shot with a starting pistol.









Police say they think it is race related..

 

[flying haggis]

We were in a restaurant last night and I ordered Napoleon chicken for the first time.
When It came there was no meat just the carcass.
I said to the waitress: "What's this?!!"








"She said: "It's the boney part".

 

[flying haggis]

During my wife's labour, the nurse came up to us and said, "How about Epidural Anaesthesia?"








I said, "Thanks, but we've already picked a name."

 

[flying haggis]

I met a bloke called Ian Tevvy the other day.




He said his brother was the lead singer of the Hollies.

 

[flying haggis]

For three weeks running a roll of wallpaper has been stolen from the same shop.





Police say a pattern's now beginning to emerge.

 

[baxlin]

Mmm, the last three posts reminded me that my daughter bought me a pack of a ‘Hundred Dad Jokes’ last Christmas.

I wonder if I dare….

 

[flying haggis]

I called the doctors and said I've had the shits for six weeks.






She said not to worry they go back to school on Monday.

 

[Chrishazle]

Who opened the Xmas crackers early?? Think the cloakroom is doing good business returning coats!!

 

[flying haggis]

If I asked the cloakroom attendant nicely, would they call me a taxi...

 

[HappytalkAgain]

If I asked the cloakroom attendant nicely, would they call me a taxi...

You’re a Taxi!

 

[flying haggis]

Boom Tish!

I knew someone would oblige.

 

[Trickythemerc]

My local police station was robbed last night. All the toilets were stolen, a spokesman for the force said they have nothing to go on at the moment.