Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[MikeInWimbledon]

A few years back the number one joke was...

I've just sold my vacuum cleaner on eBay....well it was only collecting dust. Tim Vine.

I've told that one a few times since!!!

2014: Jeremy Vine’s brother: King of the One Liners !

For completeness:

2023 – Lorna Rose Treen ​

‘I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.’

2022 – Masai Graham​

‘I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.’

2019 – Olaf Falafel​

‘I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower” – I think I might have Florets.’

2018 – Adam Rowe​

‘Working at the job centre has to be a tense job: knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.’

2017 – Ken Cheng​

‘I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.’

2016 – Masai Graham​

‘My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.’

2015 – Tommy Tiernan​

‘Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”’

2014 – Tim Vine​

‘I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.’

2013 – Rob Auton​

‘I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.’

2012 – Stewart Francis​

‘You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.’

2011 – Nick Helm​

‘I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.’

2010 – Tim Vine​

‘I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.’

2009 – Dan Antopolski​

‘Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?’

 

[HappytalkAgain]

 

[HappytalkAgain]

Definitely us ^^^

 

[flying haggis]

 

[HappytalkAgain]

"I'm very old now and I've got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow."


-Frankie Boyle

 

[DSM10000]

Sounding like an old man there Toe…… oh, wait a minute…

Says the man quoting Les Dawson

 

[HappytalkAgain]

Says the man quoting Les Dawson

Twas on my TicTok feed grandad.

Besides. I like old & new.

 

[DSM10000]

Twas on my TicTok feed grandad.

Me think that you doth protest too much!

No Grandad, no children!

 

[HappytalkAgain]

No Grandad, no children!

Sorry to hear that.

 

[m80]

No Grandad, no children!

Sorry to hear that.

I've a few spare, want some?

 

[DSM10000]

Sorry to hear that.

I've a few spare, want some?

That's terribly kind of you but no

 

[DSM10000]

Sorry to hear that.

Why?

I'm not! It was a choice.

 

[HappytalkAgain]

Why?

I'm not! It was a choice.

That’s fine then. I couldn’t be sure and didn’t want to make light of it

 

[DSM10000]

That’s fine then. I couldn’t be sure and didn’t want to make light of it

No worries Ant

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DoberMan]

View attachment 160206

There was a video going round of exactly that and he wasn't putting it in his mouth!

 

[ToeKnee]

 

[DSM10000]

There was a video going round of exactly that and he wasn't putting it in his mouth!

Did it give him gas?