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Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

Silly boy, he should have done that deal before Spotify came on the scene.

Still £80 million.

Five blonde wives, who all look the same, eight children and various friends.

So many mouths to feed and "you can't take it with you." Can you?

Fascinating thing: tax.
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Rod was always a supporter of the Scottish Football team and I remember him +usual showbiz entourage coming into a well known Edinburgh Pub which was packed with disappointed fans after the usual expected international defeat--his response was to buy everyone in the pub -- and there were many!---- a round of drinks----NOW THATS ROCK AND ROLL!:cool:
 
True story: many years ago, on arrival into LAX, an item of my luggage had gone walkabout. I joined a queue of other unfortunates whose luggage had also gone astray. At the front of the queue was a harrassed young female airline operative with a walkie talkie who was desperately trying to locate customers' lost property on this enormous airport.. As I got close to the front of the queue, I overheard her say into the walkie talkie - "BIlly, it's Juliet. Have you found that boomerang yet?". This was too good an opportunity to miss, so I leaned past the person directly in front of me and asked the question "Er, excuse me, Juliet, but how do you lose a boomerang?"

I got a a look of true puzzlement and I swear I distinctly heard the whoosh as the question went straight over her head - or maybe it was the boomerang?

I guess Charlie Drake never did make it big in America..........
 
A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.
"I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar.
Come 2 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay.
Then I say "I've already paid your colleague who has left".
Because I am a man of the cloth, they take my word for it, and I leave".
The rabbi is impressed, and says "Let's try it together this evening".
So the priest books them into a restaurant and come 2 o'clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.
The priest just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left".





And the rabbi adds: "And we are still waiting for the change!"
 
On some air bases the Royal Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is a British Airways flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an RAF plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Royal Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Royal Marines aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
 

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