Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[Rayny]

An old joke, inspired by Ollies 'What do you do for a living' thread.
An old fellow driving a Mercedes Benz picks up a hitch-hiker.
After a while the hitchhiker asks 'What do you do for a living?'
The MB owner replies 'I'm a ships captain and I work for Cunard'.
The hitchiker replies ' Well, I work furkin 'ard, but I cannot afford a Mercedes...'
(Original joke was a Rolls Royce, but I have bastardised it for this forum)

 

[TC350]

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

 

[GrahamT]

 

[markjay]

Interesting. I didn't know that Herz rents vans, I always thought that Herz Van Rental was the name of a Dutchman.

 

[flying haggis]

I thought it was Vin Diesel not Van Dealer....



(fetching coat!)

 

[SpikyMikey]

I thought it was Vin Diesel not Van Dealer....



(fetching coat!)

or indeed, Van Rouge

 

[Swotty]

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

It's been an artistic week.

 

[MD5]

The vin/van posts above reminded me of a night in Blackpool years ago, when Von Dutch seemed to be a popular clothing label. We were at a bar, surrounded by a coach party of deaf and dumb people, who were having the best time. One of the guys in the party had a T shirt in the same font, which read Van Driver. It was of its time, and I guess you had to be there, but it made me laugh.

 

[flying haggis]

didnt citroen sell two versions of their escort size vans in red or white and marketed as van rouge and van blanc some years ago?

they did!!

1985 Citroen Visa van, Rouge or Blanc catalogue, brochure, leaflet | eBay

Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for 1985 Citroen Visa van, Rouge or Blanc catalogue, brochure, leaflet at the best online prices at eBay! Free delivery for many products.

www.ebay.co.uk

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

didnt citroen sell two versions of their escort size vans in red or white and marketed as van rouge and van blanc some years ago?
they did!!

1985 Citroen Visa van, Rouge or Blanc catalogue, brochure, leaflet | eBay

Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for 1985 Citroen Visa van, Rouge or Blanc catalogue, brochure, leaflet at the best online prices at eBay! Free delivery for many products.

www.ebay.co.uk

Pah !

Still Van Ordinaire !

 

[markjay]

Pah !

Still Van Ordinaire !

There were two models, actually, the other was the Sparkling Van Ordinaire.....

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

 

[NJSS]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

View attachment 156989

Ahsolut: nothing wrong with honesty in advertising…

 

[GrahamT]

 

[GrahamT]